Do I Have to Wear a Fillet to Fit In?

Yes, I meant gilet. But auto-correct gave me fillet and it might have been right.

Because that small slip of the thumb turned into a bigger reflection on something that’s followed me my whole working life:

How do you fit in at work when you’re not sure you even want to?

Culture Isn’t Just About Vibes — It’s the Rules You Don’t See

From my very first job, I’ve had this nagging feeling that I didn’t quite belong.

People would head to the pub after work, and I’d dread it.
Fantasy football leagues? Sweepstake bets? I’d sign up just to avoid looking standoffish, but I didn’t care about the results.
Even free ice cream deliveries would make me want to disappear. Something about the enforced jolliness never sat right with me.

It wasn’t that I was antisocial. I just never figured out how to “do” the culture thing. And honestly, I didn’t know if I wanted to.

But culture in corporate isn’t optional. It’s how companies decide if you’re “one of us.” It’s how they justify promotions, projects, or even layoffs.

If you’re not seen as a culture fit, you’re seen as a risk. A problem. Someone who might need to go.

When Not Fitting In Has Consequences

I didn’t get it at first, but over time it became clear.

I wasn’t getting picked for the good projects. I wasn’t being considered for promotion. I wasn’t in the running — not because I wasn’t good at the work, but because I wasn’t visible in the “right” ways.

Enter: The Gilet (Or the Fillet?)

Which brings us back to fashion. The corporate uniform. The finance bro look: chinos, a crisp shirt, and the ubiquitous gilet.

It’s practical, sure. Warmer than a shirt, more durable than a jumper. But to me, it looked like a costume. Something I was supposed to wear to signal I was part of the tribe.

And then auto-correct gave me "fillet." And honestly? The metaphors started rolling in.

What Kind of Fillet Are You?

Let’s break it down:

• In cooking, a fillet is boneless. Spineless, even. Something soft and ready to be shaped by others. No resistance.
• In engineering, a fillet is a rounded edge. It smooths stress points and strengthens joints. It brings structure together.
• In woodworking, it’s a strip that reinforces a connection, small but strong, supportive, intentional.

So which are you?

Are you the kind of fillet that lets itself get shaped and sliced? Or the kind that strengthens, reinforces, and connects?

Same goes for the gilet. Are you putting it on because it helps you grow and move forward or just because everyone else is wearing one?

The Coaching Angle

If you’re early in your career, fitting in matters. Managers want team players. They want to see you adopt the values, pick up the lingo, join in with the socials.

And pretending? Sometimes you do have to fake it until you make it. But only if you’re doing it on purpose.

Here’s what I wish I’d done differently:

• Ask why you’re mimicking certain behaviours
• Check whether they’re helping you grow
• Don’t conform blindly. Make it a strategy, not a surrender

Because I didn’t ask those questions. And as a result, I stayed overlooked. I didn’t stretch myself. I didn’t get seen. And I lost time I won’t get back.

But you don’t have to.

Try things out. Test the gilet. Test the fillet. Try fitting in — and track how it feels. Are you still you in the process? Are you getting where you want to go?

If not? Take it off. Step out. Do something else.

Because fitting in only matters if it’s helping you build the career, and the life you actually want.